• JimLotFP
  • Lord of All Fevers and Plagues
  • Offline
  • From: Helsinki, Finland
  • Registered: 2009-10-07
  • Posts: 613

Topic: How's This For An Ad Blurb?

"The adventure that asks - nay, DEMANDS the answer to the question: Are You Good Enough?

After the death of the wealthy innkeeper of The Grinding Gear, rumors were rampant that he had constructed a tomb that was theft-proof. The traps were devious, the danger more diabolical still.

But there is treasure to be had! What dungeon delver could resist the challenge?

But a warning:

If this adventure does not drain every drop of your blood, then it will disintegrate you. If it does not disintegrate you, it will electrocute you. If it does not electrocute you, it will starve you. If it does not starve you, it still will defeat you in a battle of wits.

You very well may survive.

But only the best will win!

If you think you're ready, if you've got the guts, tell your group's referee that you want to test yourself against THE GRINDING GEAR."

JimLotFP's Website

  • From: Helsinki, Finland
  • Registered: 2009-10-09
  • Posts: 20

Re: How's This For An Ad Blurb?

Sounds catchy. Sure, I'd buy that module. If only to put it to the test after such boastful claims.

I'd consider changing this sentence:

JimLotFP wrote:

After the death of the wealthy innkeeper of The Grinding Gear, rumors were rampant that he had constructed a tomb that was theft-proof.

To this:

After the death of the wealthy innkeeper of The Grinding Gear, rumors were rampant that he had constructed a theft-proof tomb.

Then again, I'm not a native English speaker. wink

Navdi's Website

  • Registered: 2009-10-14
  • Posts: 54

Re: How's This For An Ad Blurb?

Well this blurb communicates to me that this adventure is meant to be Tomb of Horrors style "ultimate challenge" dungeon, if that is the intent the message is received.

  • From: Hollywood, Ca
  • Registered: 2009-10-08
  • Posts: 11

Re: How's This For An Ad Blurb?

JimLotFP wrote:

If this adventure does not drain every drop of your blood, then it will disintegrate you. If it does not disintegrate you, it will electrocute you. If it does not electrocute you, it will starve you. If it does not starve you, it still will defeat you in a battle of wits.

I feel like the ad copy should highlight this bit.  This part will grab the potential buyer, the rest of it is information you might want once you're ALREADY grabbed.

I say put this in big letters at the top, then have the other copy.

  • Registered: 2009-10-13
  • Posts: 3

Re: How's This For An Ad Blurb?

JimLotFP wrote:

After the death of the wealthy innkeeper of The Grinding Gear, rumors were rampant that he had constructed a tomb that was theft-proof. The traps were devious, the danger more diabolical still.

This bit didn't work too well for me; my first thought was honestly something like: not the tomb of a king, baron, noble, or even merchant, but an innkeeper? How much money could he have? Then I wondered how long he'd been dead for.  If it had been a long time, then the place would be well known as a death trap and they wouldn't exactly be rumors.  But I honestly felt a bit of a letdown when it said he was a "wealthy innkeeper".  I'm also not sure if it adds anything to know that his inn was named The Grinding Gear, before I read that I had assumed it was some particularly fiendish trap in the module.

JimLotFP wrote:

But a warning:

If this adventure does not drain every drop of your blood, then it will disintegrate you. If it does not disintegrate you, it will electrocute you. If it does not electrocute you, it will starve you. If it does not starve you, it still will defeat you in a battle of wits.

Now we're talking! This makes me smile, shake my head, and pull out my wallet.  The rest of the copy that I didn't quote was fine as well, but since I felt it started a little weak I definitely agree with the suggestion to put this bit at the beginning.

  • Registered: 2009-10-19
  • Posts: 2

Re: How's This For An Ad Blurb?

I'm sure I'm probably one of the few who didn't really enjoy Tomb of Horrors. Sure it was one of the main center pieces of traditional D&D module creation (save or die mentality), but playing in it and running it just weren't my bag. Don't get me wrong, I love traps, riddles and puzzles, but ToH just went over the top IMHO.

Grinding Gear sounds very much like ToH. Is this intentional?

I really DO love the name.

  • JimLotFP
  • Lord of All Fevers and Plagues
  • Offline
  • From: Helsinki, Finland
  • Registered: 2009-10-07
  • Posts: 613

Re: How's This For An Ad Blurb?

Gamer Dude wrote:

Grinding Gear sounds very much like ToH. Is this intentional?

I think it would be in the same general style, but this one is for levels 1-4 so the absolute final deadliness just isn't there. The two groups I've put through it for the most part didn't sweat getting through it alive, although they didn't find the final treasure.

JimLotFP's Website

  • Registered: 2009-10-31
  • Posts: 10

Re: How's This For An Ad Blurb?

It works for me, but I was already planning on buying the thing. I'll read it to a couple gamers I know who probably wouldn't otherwise see it, ask if it makes them eager to try the adventure, and report back.

  • Registered: 2009-10-31
  • Posts: 10

Re: How's This For An Ad Blurb?

Gamer #3 (a player but not a DM) says: "The description sounds pretty standard, but the warning is over the top enough that I figure if he's willing to say all that, he must mean it, and I take it as a personal challenge. So yeah, I want you to get it and run it."

  • Registered: 2009-10-31
  • Posts: 10

Re: How's This For An Ad Blurb?

Gamer #1 (a player and DM) was unimpressed by the blurb, but said that if she ran/played TGG & decided that it lived up to the blurb, she'd be much more likely to buy other LotFP stuff than if she hadn't been exposed to the blurb in the first place.

  • Registered: 2009-10-31
  • Posts: 10

Re: How's This For An Ad Blurb?

Gamer #2 (player only) refused to make any comment other than (direct quote) "that's fucking great."

  • JimLotFP
  • Lord of All Fevers and Plagues
  • Offline
  • From: Helsinki, Finland
  • Registered: 2009-10-07
  • Posts: 613

Re: How's This For An Ad Blurb?

http://www.lotfp.com/RPG/products/grinding-gear

The project goes to press tomorrow. I've set up the product page on the site, incorporating some of the suggested changes. Did I make it better? Worse?

JimLotFP's Website

  • From: Hollywood, Ca
  • Registered: 2009-10-08
  • Posts: 11

Re: How's This For An Ad Blurb?

It looks good.  2 minor points--

"But only the best will win the treasure!" seems a little generic compared to the other ad copy, but it gets the point across.

also, why is "designer's notes" in quotes?  If it's at all like DFD then these are simply designer's notes, straight up.

  • JimLotFP
  • Lord of All Fevers and Plagues
  • Offline
  • From: Helsinki, Finland
  • Registered: 2009-10-07
  • Posts: 613

Re: How's This For An Ad Blurb?

Zak S. wrote:

also, why is "designer's notes" in quotes?  If it's at all like DFD then these are simply designer's notes, straight up.

I'll look at the other line, but I put the quotes there because it's written sort of in-character. Not "I did this as a writer because," but writing as if the character in the module was doing it. "Garvin did this because..."

JimLotFP's Website