Re: Tales of Greed, a LotFP campaign report

A new chapter! This one's about the League's last little adventure in Mlag and their visit to Morocco before the Deep Carbon Observatory.
I'm trying to post shorter parts from our campaign, so the time between updates wouldn't get too long.


Last time we left our heroes they had just (barely) survived an assault by unfairly powerful magic statue. One of them, Reggie Harlock, fearsome pirate, had been slain and embalmed.
Everyone was sick of Portugal and wanted to leave.
"Wait a moment, didn't Reggie say something about an Eloi queen? He wanted to kill one for his god or something."
"Reggie's dead, I'm tired and sick of fighting here. Lets just go."
"Reggie died for us! We cannot leave without fulfilling his final wish!"
And in the end they just had to go purge the old lighthouse. It didn't take long. Petrus bombarded the Queen with Stinking cloud paralysing it and most of its guardians and then Siegfried went in and slashed it to ribbons.
(This was also the point where Siegfried's player decided that Warrior's level up table had some too overpowered options and decided to nerf himself. You might notice he's the one of us who's designing classes, balancing rules and doing other crunchy stuff.)

So, after the morning's work the Eloi were dead and the crew was now ready to leave for real. Or they would have, if their crew had been present.
"Where's everyone?" Lorenzo, who's somehow found his way to the ship, asks.
"Oh yeah, I bet they're still repairing the Sea slut. Lets go get 'em", Wilbur remembers.
They sail to the Sea slut, which has been repaired and is already preparing to leave. Captain Olaf is already waiting for them.
"Aye, I reckon'd ye'd be comin", he muses.
"Yes, we'd like our crew back now", Petrus says.
"Ay, I betcha would", says Olaf, "but the thing here now is, and I don't want no trouble meself, but ye crew came to me just this morning, they did. And they said they were done with your ship and would like to serve on it no more. And they asked, whether I needed crew with nothing to lose. An' what I said was 'aye'."
"So. You stole our crew, you bastard", Siegfried butts into the conversation, "do you know what we do to thieves?"
"I betcha you do pretty nasty things", Olaf replies, still calm as the ocean, "but you see, I haven't stolen nothing, just offered a ship to a landlocked crew. Yer own crew stole themselves. I want no trouble from you guys, so if you got trouble, bring it to your EX-crew."
He then hides in his cabin and lets the party's old navigator continue the discussion.
"We ain't comin' back!" he yells.
"We. Had. A. Deal. So you are either going to return all we paid you and pay additional penalty for breaking contract OR you are GOING to play NICE and get back to work until you are given leave", said Siegfried.
"Aint no deal about the Cap'n dyin'! Nor stone giants. Nor satanists on board. We aint comin' back. Deal's off!" the Navigator gave their counterargument.
"So then you'll be paying back the advance, won't you?" Wilbur interjects.
"Well, 'tis dreadfully embarassing, but I reckon' all's been gone since Amsterdam."
"Enough of this circus! You are coming back or I will make you come back! And then you will be grateful we didn't kill you!" Boris shouts.
"Naw that ain't proper. Sorry, guv, but we already made a new deal with Olaf."
"Get that no gooder captain back here!"

The Navigator complies and soon Olaf's back on the deck.
"So, didya sort yer problems out?"
"No! And now you shall return our crew back!"
"I'd really like to help, but no can do. They made their choice and I aint gonna force them anything. Dun wanna lecture anyone, but ye might wanna look into a mirror and think why they left yous."
"This isn't over yet!" Siegfried yells, but the others calm him down.
"I think we lost this one", Wilbur admits.
"If it's any worth to you, ye may have my old crew. Ye'll find 'em in the town", Olaf says, bids his farewells and begins raising the sails.

"Prepare the cannons! We're sinking that ship!" Boris commands.
"... I don't think we have cannons", Siegfried replies.
"Yeah, they were too expensive so had to be cut", Wilbur knows.
"Bah, what kind of ship this is, when it doesn't even have cannons!"

The League marches to the town in frustration and beat up the first sailor they find. Then they shove a bagful of gold into his hands.
"YOU. You fucker are going to find your friends and say there's a keg of rum and another bag for everyone who's sober enough to sail the ship. NOW GO!"
While the startled and very surprised sailor scampers off and the League goes to find what's left of Will, Petrus gets a vile idea. He casts fly and trails the Sea Slut. When he gets near enough, he casts a Death Curse on Olaf. Then he comes back.
"No one fucks with us."

Then they gather their 'new' crew and set sail. They almost hit the lighthouse.
(The party was determined never to meet Olaf again, but we still wanted to roll how long he'd survive with the curse. The poor norwegian sailed for two weeks, meeting worse and worse misfortunes before ultimately being devoured by a shark.)

It soon becomes evident, why Olaf was so eager to ditch his old crew. The bunch couldn't sail themselves out of a bucket. They would never make it to Venice with the crew, so they retrieved their maps and looked for the nearest port.
They decided to make a detour in Tangier, Morocco. There they would hopefully recruit better crew and perhaps even find an entrance to Ghoul Market.

Long story short, they make and they do.
Recruiting crew is no problem as they have more money than any other captain, but they are unsure what to do with the old one. They briefly discuss keelhauling the lot, but in the end cannot bother and just dump them off the side. The useless lot.

First thing they do at the Market is taking Reggie to the Skinsmith, who agrees to sew the pirate back to life. During the process he's inspired by Reggie's new horn and declares he has a pair to go with it. Thus when Reggie wakes up, he sports a pair of demonic goat horns around his straight think-horn. He also knows his god's will has been fulfilled and may request a boon. He requests a scepter fit for a mighty wizard and gains a revelation that one will present itself in four sessions time. Reggie doesn't know what a session means, but unknown are the gods' ways.
Siegfried vows the others not to take him to the smith again, if he dies. Reggie decides to buy a turban.
They also offer the smith what's left of Will. The smith makes meat balls out of the Will bits.

Lorenzo, who appeared back on the ship, heads back to slave market and buys every child and ghoul available. When the others say he won't be allowed to keep the children, he takes them to Skinsmith and makes pastries out of them. Yum!

They then visit Vespero and purchase his stock of health potions, sell most of the unsold loot and peruse his wares. They buy most of his stock, notables include an old portal stone and a curious red potion.
Ben decides to chug the potion. He immediately shrinks to ant size and becomes an angry little ball of crude insults and bigotry.
"Hmm, there's something with Ben and size. When big he becomes stupid, when small he becomes an asshole", Wilbur observes.

"Fuck you and your mother you sand%#¤/%#! %#¤&#%½! #%%! %¤&#€#!" Ben retorts.
"Alright, lets shut you up", Wilbur says and puts Ben in his pocket.
He spends some time in Tangier's bazaar looking for doll sized clothes for Ben, but to his woe the potion's effects end and Ben returns to his original size.

Meanwhile Boris went to visit the Arsenal to try and purchase cannons. But Boris is not the best at making deals nor does he speak the language, so when the rest get back they find the guards are looking for them.

They've had enough of Tangiers anyway.

Re: Tales of Greed, a LotFP campaign report

Here's the next chapter from our campaign report. Here we'll begin Deep Carbon Observatory proper. The League of Extraordinary Opportunity arrives in Carrowmore and traverses the Lock River Valley. They have a brief encounter with the Crows and reach the dam on their third day in the valley.


A day from Carrowmore the crew witnesses an end of a world.

It starts with a deep rumble, strong enough to reah their ship. Reggie immediately draws his spyglass. With it he sees Carrowmore and the hills that surround it, he sees the mountains (one of the few blank spots on their map) and the great dam. He sees a crack and the storm of water that breaks free.
In a few short moments they see most of the Lock valley wiped from the face of the earth. Siegfried yells to raise all sails and for men to row.
They wouldn't get there in time.

When their ship arrives at Carrowmore, the sun has already set. The last of the voyage had been perilous as the waters were full of flotsam and the drowning and the wave had rearranged the shoals.
They anchor and mobilize their boats. They would fit in one, but reckon there might be others in need of buoyancy. Both are quickly filled to the brim, when the League rescues a raft full of children and Benedict insists rescuing a priest calles Selminimum Tem. One of the children rewards their aid by whispering something to Wilbur's ear: "She made all the mums and dads into ghosts. She had nine lives - they poisoned her first. Then they stabbed her and smashed her and burnt her and drowned her. That. Makes. Eight. If you kill her once more, that's it!" This would trouble Wilbur for a long time.

Their boat raises a lot of attention and soon they have a small flock trying to get in. One particularly crafty child pulls another into water to make room for himself.
Unfortunately for him, Siegfried notices this foulplay and jabs his sword through the kid's chest.
"We're all in the same fucking boat. Everyone play nice", he says as the dying boy slides back into the water.
No one tries the same trick again.

Things get confusing in the town as the water levels fluctuate, building's slowly crumble and distances are scrambled by the GM trying to hold two boats and seven players (two of which can fly) together.
Ultimately they run into a group of suspicious people that most certainly want to help the children and not eat them. Foolishly they leave Ben alone with the cannibals. He gets mobbed and tied up.
"Boy, these people got desperate fast", Siegfried notes.
They also run into a scholar named Tzani Spillios and catch another child trying to steal her research. Tzani gets along well with the adventurers, so the League agrees to take her with them upriver.
They also interrogate the boy, who eventually breaks and tells that bad men took her sister and will kill her, if he doesn't return with the scrolls.

Meanwhile Ben wakes up in a dilapitated attic. He's alone with a sink that's been converted into a makeshift deep fryer. The oil's boiling.
You know you have a few moments left to try and escape. Please describe how you plan to do it, I tell him.
Ben cannot wriggle his way out and he could already hear the chef returning. So he prayed to Jesus for aid.
When Jesus didn't answer, he prayed to Satan.
Then another player asked "don't you have 19 strength? Why don't you just break the ropes?"
"Oh, can I do that?" Ben asks. Sure, I answer.
He easily breaks the ropes and jumps out of the window.

Ben runs into the rest conveniently as they are staking out the house, where bad men wanted the boy to come after the heist. It was situated on higher ground than most of the town, so only its ground floor was flooded.
Everyone got into position. Petrus and Reggie became invisible and stayed near the child. Wilbur took position near a window. Siegfried and the rest waited some distance away.
Everything was quiet, a bit too quiet.
Wilbur took initiative and peeked inside. All was dark and silent except for a low whimper. He also spotted a crossbow trap rigged to shoot when the door opens.

When it seems the house's empty, they disarm the trap and rush in. The boy scampers straight to the back, where a small girl has been nailed to a ceiling. Ben rushes to heal her, but she's too far gone - her gut has been slashed open and pulled out into open. She was barely alive and in great pain, so Siegfried did the merciful deed.
The sight was too much for the boy, who collapsed by her sister. He no longer responded to anything.
"Hot damn", Reggie remarked.

They did a sweep in the house, but find nothing. Whatever had been waiting, had had time to retreat. Not even flying Petrus could catch anything in the darkness.
They decided to return to the ship with the refugees.
Once everyone was fit in snugly, their new cargomaster quietly informed Reggie that they would have enough food for everyone for barely a week.
"We ain't prepared to run a hostel here, Cap."
"Then we'll be done in a week."

Next day the League sets out again. The priest they saved, Selminimum Tem, says he needs to check on his church as he saw it swept away by the tide. The Leagueers agree as Siegfried and Wilbur reason the church might be a good place to deposit excess refugees. They also take Tzani with them as her knowledge might come in handy.
They row through Carrowmore, but don't encounter anything - it seems that most of the survivors had either drowned or fled deeper into the city.

On the way to the church they witness a peculiar sight: two wizards floating on the water. They pause to follow the battle and witness one of them triumph - and soon after get eaten by a gigantic pike.

They find the church moored in a nearby field. Unfortunately, a group of toads have claimed it as their home. The toads had gorged themselves on the drowned and now bulged and wobbled from their poorly digested food. The party manages to go past them to the church, but when they have to stop to wait for Tem to fiddle with the locks, the frogs begin approaching menacingly.
During the nasty battle (the toads have a tendency to burst open, when they take too much damage), someone begins firing on the party from a nearby hill.
Petrus immediately soars in the air to pursue and easily catches his prey. It's a dwarf.
He returns with his captive to the church.

Inside Tem thanks the adventurers and rewards each of them with a vial of holy water. He begins to regret his gratitude, when the League gets to business with their captive.
"So, a child murderer, huh?" Siegfried begins.
"We're all murderers. Why should I tell you anything?" the prisoner answers.
"Bold words. Luckily I was counting on it", replies Siegfried as he takes his flensing knife and begins working on the dwarf's fingers. He relents after a few.
"Wait. I'll talk."
"Shh, not yet. Not until I'm done", says Siegfried and works until all of the hand has been skinned.

They find out the dwarf is Ghar Zaghouan and he's part of a group called the Crows. He claims that their goal here is to save the world, but he doesn't know their leader Hölloch's plans and that one of them can control the dead.
Ghar tries to negotiate with the party and say that he would do anything if he could keep his bow. But he's not much of a social butterfly and the offer might've come across as a threat.
Ultimately Boris breaks his neck. "I know his type. We used to hunt them all the time in the KGB."
Selminimum Tem is offended by this murder and violence and shoos the group out of the church. He then locks the doors behind them.
"What a dick", says Petrus.

Coming back they notice their boat has attracted a swarm of lungfish. They're too numerous to kill, but slower than the boat, so they decide to just deal with it later. They also witness a challenge that they'd have to confront later: a massive whirring golem. This one stood guard in a drowned orchard. They wisely decided to take the longer route.
The longer route took them to the hunting ground of a gigantic pike. (What do all these animals eat?! - Reggie) They try to steer their boat as not to agitate the pike, but fail - the pike roars and lunges from the water.
It strikes at Ben and bites deeply. It has tasted human blood.
Siegfried disciplines the fish with a well placed sword strike and the beast is forced to retreat. But not without draggin Benedict down with it.
The pike retreats, but the lungfish it had been hunting are driven into a frenzy by the smell of blood.
Fiercely they attack Ben, seeking holes and gaps in his armour, while Ben himself struggles to stay afloat. Not an easy task as he wears chain and full backpack.
The others try to help him up, but their attempts are futile as no one dares to join Ben in the water and Ben cannot find a steady grasp in the wet oar. Blood now pillows in the murky water.
Suddenly, Petrus and Siegfried find Ben becoming less heavy and they manage to haul him up.
Then they discover the reason, why he lost weight: the entire lower half of his body has been eaten and only hanging, half eaten guts and bones remain.
Ben is irrevocably dying and only has time for a few last words:
"Fuck... you... all..."
"Don't worry, Ben! The Meatsmith can sew you back together!"
"Fuuck... youuuuuuuuuuu."
And he dies.

Solemnly they continue their way. They pass a hill, where a plethora of animals has taken shelter, both predator and prey in a temporary truce. The League considers hunting some rations, but think again, when a giant tentacle lazily rises from the water, grabs a cow and slithers back under.
"Again, what's with these animals?" Reggie ponders.
They wisely steer away from the kraken towards a distant windmill.
As they come nearer a cry of help comes from the windmill - it's base's covered in a sea of hungering white crabs that try to get at the mill's upper loft. Or more precisely, the refugees holed there.
It is getting late and the crew needs a place to spend the night. So they try to save the villagers.
Compared to the other horrors they've met during the trip, the crabs fall easily. Petrus conjures a wall of flames around their boats and the air is filled with the smell of roasted crab. Only few of the refugees die when the adventurers reach them.
The one who cried, a woman named Tana Che Urla thanks the League for their heroism and the PC's agree to take the refugees on their boats.
Tonight everyone gorged themselves with crab and happily they put up the watches.

During the night they are attacked by a group of ghouls that try to sink their boats. The undead are barely driven off after they almost drown Reggie.
Later in the night a gigantic hill crawls near the windmill. Its sight keeps Boris and Siegfried awake.
Morning they see it's not a hill, but a house-sized mudcrab. (This place is nuts! - Reggie)

It seems docile and first the adventurers decide to leave it alone. But then Siegfried spies something shiny lodged in the crab's shell. He takes their lone boat and carefully rows nearer.
The shiny thing proves to be a fist sized lump of gold.
Oh so carefully Siegfried rows nearer and then tries to climb towards the treasure.

The crab doesn't like that.
Lazily it lifts one claw to smash at the thing pestering it. It barely misses, but smashes the boat. Siegfried jumps out at the last minute and hangs onto the only leverage nearby - the crab.
He snatches the nugget and scampers up the crabs shell, while the crab tries to shake him off.
Luckily, Siegfried takes only one hit before getting away.
"Worth it."
Unfortunately he wrecked their second boat in the process and now they had to fit all of the refugees in the only boat they had. It was a very tight fit.

They rowed upriver awkwardly and stopped by Pollinacrom village that was in middle of the process of being dismantled by one of the Turbine golems.
"Hey! You guys have any food?" one of the villagers shouted as they saw PC's boat.
"No! Can you take in refugees?" answered Siegfried.
"Not really! We're literally running out of space!" the villager shouted back and motioned towards the golem.
"Do you have a problem with a witch?" Wilbur interrupted.
"No! We have no idea what you are talking about!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes! ... Is there any room in your boat?"
"Oh... well... we'll manage... somehow."
So, they moved onwards.

Onwards, the water suddenly erupted and a fell beast rose from the depths. It was the Cow-sized killer platypus. It was finally free. The battle began once more.
It turned its attention towards the PC's boat, it's eyes gleaming with red rage.
Everyone shook in horror, everyone but Siegfried who was immune to the fear. And ready to meet the beast in combat.
He was, after all, a professional.
Siegfried raised his blade and took stable position on the boat's prow. The Platypus roared and came forth, accepting the warrior's challenge.
They met and clashed.
And then.
"Magic missile! Magic missile!"
Petrus and Reggie, the two mages, who had deathly startled of the platypus simultaneously let forth volleys of magic death. The platypus was torn into pieces and Siegfried was left standing on the prow dumbfounded.
"Sorry, we got scared."
"... I'll never forgive you."

Around midday they reach the point where the river turns and they can finally see the Great Dam. Or what's left of it, as its stony side was marred by a huge tear from which water now flowed freely.
At the base of the Dam they saw one of the golems kneeling, as if in a prayer.
"If I had any knowledge of modern turbine dynamics, I'd say the golem was trying to charge itself. But I don't, so I won't say anything", Siegfried ponders.
On a nearby hill they spy a family gathered around a small bonfire, they decide to greet them as they might have advice on where to dump their extra passengers.

As they reach the hill, they see what the family had been burning.
"Hey, that looks like a ninth level spell scroll!" Reggie shouts and charges towards the fire. "Gimme that!"
"Wot are you doin' to ah fire?"
"Do you realize what kind of fortune you have destroyed?! Is there anything left?!"
"Ah realize mah li'l uns an me darlin' woulda frozen last nite, if we aint been burnin' these."
"Aargh! I could kill you! I swear!"
"Shut up, Reggie", Wilbur intervenes, "do you know about the hills here? Could we leave our refugees nearby?"
"Nah, aint nuffin but underbrush an' gravel 'ere."
Eventually they manage to calm Reggie down and return to the boat.
It wouldn't be long until they reached the Dam.

Re: Tales of Greed, a LotFP campaign report

Here's the second to last chapter of Deep Carbon Observatory. Enjoy!


Having had enough of dealing with the frustrating locals they set off again in their barely floating boat. They pass by something that looks like a huge riverboat made of gold, which makes everyone exited. But they have nothing to carry it on, let alone wedge it off the mud, so they just have to let it be. For now.
As a precaution, they tie it to a nearby bloody rock.

They arrive to the Dam. Once it had been majestic, but now a massive crack had divided it in half. The mindbending mass of water it had held was in the valley and only a (comparately) small waterfall dribbled from the tear. At the base they see one of the golems praying at its base. They keep a safe distance.
That's when the woman they saved from the windmill, Tana Che Urla, gets anxious.
"We cannot follow you up that dam! Please, let us have your boat once you don't need it anymore!"

This sparks a heated debate between the party. Not surprisingly none want to give up their only boat. Rekt argues they should just leave the woman and the children on land.
"What land?" asks Reggie. "The rocky, steep cliffs that are only things not under water? Why don't you just kill them now and save them the wait!"
No one is ready to kill them, so eventually they decide to let them have the boat. Tana's gratitude knows no bounds and she promises to return the boat, if she's able. The teacher leaves with the children.
"We aint gonna see her again", Reggie guesses. He's not wrong.

They still have to deal with the golem, which gets antsy every time they get close to the Dam.

Long story short, Boris and Rekt are enlarged while Siegfried stands at the Dam. The Golem engages and is soundly defeated. Siegfried did most of the work, but also got most of the punishment.
Petrus flies up to scout while the others inspect the Dam base. Boris uses his dwarven knowledge to know the Dam is made from 'concrete', a mystical material used by Romans and the dwarves.
"It's concrete", Boris states.
"Yes. We're gonna need concrete evidence on who made the damn", Reggie agrees.
"No! It's concrete!"
"What? You already know! Then tell us!"
"You imbecile! It's made of concrete!"
"Well, then DON'T tell us, you dwarfish pygmy asshole. Be that way!"
"Argh! Keep believing what you want!"*

Then Petrus returns and shares what he saw: a great expanse of exposed lake bed.
They use the golem's eye to open one of the hatches at the base of the Dam. A pathway inside lets them climb to the top.

Having climbed the dam they briefly survey the upside and make special note of the peculiar village and the square hole in the ground, both at least a day away.
But what draws their immediate attention is much nearer: the crack through the Dam has revealed a room.
Petrus still has his fly spell active, so making a pulley ride there is easy. They enter something that resembles a tomb but with all the grave goods washed away by the water. A door has been torn open and leads deeper into the Dam. A sprung log trap hangs from the ceiling.
They go deeper and find another tomb, this one untouched by water. It seems identical to the previous room except: Here the depicted king is shown as noble and merciful, when earlier he was wrathful. The door they came through was clearly hidden from the opposite side. And all the treasure (including a familiar golden boat) were only gilded replicas.
Another door lead deeper. It was trapped, but Wilbur took care of it easily.
Somewhat worriedly Siegfried noted that all the traps were aimed towards them. So whatever they were built against was inside the Dam.

The next room contained eight canoptic guards - statues with embedded canoptic jars in them - who all animated and attacked, when Wilbur tried to steal one.
A battle was joined and the statues fought with machine-like precision. Every smashed jar released something: stomach acid, animated intestines or such. The League fought hard, but the guards were durable as stone they were built of and they hit with the strength of a mountain.
Then Petrus made a plan that might take them all out: he aimed a magic missile spell towards all eight 'head jars' and let loose.
That was a bad idea. Jars shattered, but did not destroy the guards.
Instead, eight floating brains emerged from the jars, each of wich forced the PC's to utter their deepest regrets or be paralyzed.
The battle soon turned against the League.

They manage to kill the brains but are forced to cast haste and retreat back into the previous room. The guards follow, but very slowly, so the PCs have time to chug their last healing potions, regroup and make defensive lines at the doorway. Rekt and Siegfried took positions beside each other.
The guards pursue and battle begins anew. This time the League fares a bit better, but their ill luck isn't completely gone: A fumble makes Rekt hurt himself and Siegfried also hits him twice by accident - killing the poor sod where he stood.

This was the fifteenth dead character for his player. And the funny thing is that after his last character, Will the Elf, had been killed by Ragath Statue, the player had told be he was a bit sick of constant rerolling and was considering leaving the game, if I killed him one more time.
As a Referee I swear I won't favour nor hound any individual players, but he is a good player and it is more than likely I'd been subconsciously protecting him to keep him from leaving.
Tonight, however, the problem was surprisingly averted by having another PC kill him instead.
The player let out a long sigh and set out making his new adventurer.

Eventually they do kill last of the guards. Wilbur even managed to steal one of the jars.
They lament Rekt's death a moment ("Now we have two corpses to carry! That's not a normal amount of corpses!" "Technically it's just one and half") and venture forth. The next three rooms contain traps that are easily avoided by the party. They have become good at this.
Eventually a door opens into open air and they see they've reached the top of the Dam.

The party descents into the newly formed valley and go through a forest of drying kelp. There they meet the Bush Knight, who fights using a large pair of scissors. (A visiting player)
The scissors give immediate flashbacks for Petrus and Reggie, who both were savaged by a similar pair of scissors back in Villa Cavallo.
Bush Knight almost has to reroll his character right there and then.

As they exit the forest they spy a tribe of lake creatures assembling on the other side of the small river that divides the valley. Reggie recognises them as Kapeks, freshwater cousins to Deep Ones.
He also sees the staff their leader is carrying.
"That one! It's meant for me! I need it!"
The rest take one look at the adorable, yet menacing army and convince the Reggie to wait. As the both groups were heading in the same direction, they would inevitably meet, so the party should take their time and observe.

They went on towards a pale formation they had seen from atop the damn. Now they saw it for what it was: the belly of a giant, dead pike, probably the father of the one that menaced them downriver, that was being devoured by hundreds of small crabs.
Luckily, these where more shy than their downriver cousins and scattered as soon as the PCs came too near.
The party's casters, Petrus and Reggie, took an immediate interest in the pike's jawbone.
"You could make a kantele out of this!" Reggie exclaims.
"Cough, I mean, this bone is full of potential to become a finnougric instrument of might!"
Petrus agrees and so they take the bone with them.

They pass a field of dying lungfish that have become bloated with gas emissions. There Reggie prods Wilbur, until the Specialist agrees to shoot one.
It causes a massive chain explosion that clears the whole field.
Soon after they reach a natural "bridge" that they could use to cross the river, a huge rok bird, still clinging to life, slowly being eaten by man sized leech and dying. Its body lays in the middle of the river with wings forming a natural bridge.
The party decides to make the crossing though they shiver each time one of them makes the bird shake from agony.
As the last of the members makes their way across, the rok lets out its last pitiful shriek.
Which draws the attention of the kapeks.
Their leader points its scepter at the party and bellows a war cry. The army answers.
"Mii mii! Miimiimii! Mimii!"
They begin their charge, which is about as fast as the group's walking speed.
The League is torn: the kapeks are too adorable to be taken seriously, but their spears would hurt regardless.
They decide to power walk away from the advancing army, towards the peculiar village.

At the village, a group of warriors greets them in an unknown tongue.
As the Leagueers seem mostly human and are chased by the kapeks, the people of the reeds decide to lower a bridge and let them in.
In the village, Reggie notices he can understand some of the warriors' speech and they trade stories.
The People tell about their centuries long feud with the kapeks and about the apocalypse that took the water away. They query whether the outsiders are gods as they have come beyond the god wall.
Reggie doesn't doubt long before going on with the story. He asks about the kapeks and learns that the creatures are only afraid of the tribe's old chieftains - who might be able to save the village, if warned of their need.
Reggie replies that the adventurers are just the right people for the job.
Petrus rubs his arms together, it would be no problem getting the chieftains move.

Over at the grave site, they see that the chiefs need no magical aid. The revenants break free from their tombs and begin a slow lurch towards the village.
"The battle will be over before they get there. Is there any way to make them go faster?" Boris ponders.
Eventually they just decide to out pace the chieftains and flank the approaching army.
They hide in the drying underbrush and Wilbur aims his bow at the Kapek leader. He lets his arrow fly, while Petrus and Reggie prepare their magic missiles
But to their amazement, missiles are not needed as Wilbur's sneak attacked arrow makes the 1HD kapek leader explode.
This sows immediate chaos in the kapeks' ranks, who waddle to and fro in panic. They are no match for the experienced adventurers, who easily carve their way to the fallen shaman and its distraught honour guard.
"I almost feel too guilty to do this", Wilbur laments as they fight the guard. As the last blow to the kapeks' morale Reggie conjures a phantasmal version of a Turbine golem.

The triumphant Reed Warriors rally to capture prisoners. For the People this was a day of a great loss and great victory. They lost many capable warriors, but the gods from beyond the wall and the risen chieftains proved that the times would soon turn for the better.
It was time for a feast.
The adventurers awkwardly take part as the guests of honour in a party that inlvolves roasting, disemboweling, draining, torturing and eating the kapeks alive. To their horror they discover that the mewling and crying kapeks taste absolutely delicious.

Next morning they gather themselves and head towards what the locals call "Door to Hell". On the way they go search the mountainside and find the sun forts - aimed lenses that were clearly made to reflect light towards the hole.
Similar lenses were built around it too.
Whoever made this wanted to drown that place in light.

They seriously consider repairing the lenses and letting the place be. But eventually their curiosity and greed win and they take their time climbing down the reverse ziggurat that has been dug in the ground. At the bottom they find iron-wrought twin doors, now covered in rust. Despite their immense age the doors open easily and reveal a stairway into the darkness.

*The dialogue has been changed to translate the joke into English. The original wordplay was between Finnish words 'betoni' (concrete) and 'peto' (beast) and it went something like this:
"Se on betonia / It is concrete."
"Kyllä, näin ison padon on voinut rakentaa vain valtava peto! / Yes, a dam this big could only have been built by an enormous beast!"
"Ei! Se on tehty betonista! / No, it's made from concrete!"
"Mitä? Pato on TEHTY pedoista? Et voi olla tosissasi! / What? The dam is made from beasts? You can't be serious!"
"Minä luovutan... / I give up..."

Re: Tales of Greed, a LotFP campaign report

It's been a while after the last one, but here's how the League explored half of the Observatory. Next chapter's almost ready, so I should be able to post it much sooner.

Note: This is best read when listening to this:

They descent into the silence. There seems to be no end to the stairs, no sound other than the echoes of their footsteps. According to Boris' intuition, they've long since gone under sea level with no change other than the walls shifting slowly into white calcite.

Then, after seemingly descending forever, the stone wall ends and is replaced by cage of metal. Their lights throw dark shadows into a reversed ziggurat, similar to the one they found at the entrance. Except this one's levels are guarded by statues.
"Statues. They're always trouble", Wilbur reminds.
Eventually the stairs end and the metal cage lets them to the bottom of the ziggurat.

They go through the western door and venture deeper. All this time only light is what they bring and only sound is what they cause. And the low rumble of tectonic activity.
Eventually the tunnel ends, cutting abruptly off before great, immense void. There are narrow stairs chiseled into the wall - wide enough to descent, but so narrow and so high that you take each step wondering, if that's the one to topple you.
As much as they try, the League cannot make out the opposing wall nor the cavern floor. On the opposite, the face they are on seems to curve inwards.
They know it's a bad idea, but they go down the stairs all the same.

Next they enter a vast cavern with several chests and a giant pulley elevator. They take a moment to wonder what kind of creatures could have ever operated it.
Then they pry open the chests.
It's a motherlode. The League takes their time to shift through the contents, which consist of all the manner of exotic weaponry and equipment - enough to outfit an army.
They quickly equip themselves with punch daggers, infrared lanterns and other gear used for underground warfare. Rest they pile up in the middle of the room to be sorted out and packed later. They assumed they would have time later.
At this point their party is also joined by two clerics, who happened to be nearby and wanted to help.
They descent further into yet another large chamber. They find two moonsilver doors, a ladder and the terminus of the pulley system. Behind it looms a massive bridge that reaches into the dark.
The bridge is not solid, but resembles a spiderweb. As Wilbur steps on it, the reverberation makes the structure hum.
If you look down, you could see the emptiness through millions of holes left between the strands.
They do not wish to step on the bridge.

Instead they pick one of the moonsilver doors and go down the stairs. The regular darkness soon becomes a throbbing, wrong void, a total absence of space that attacks their eyes, attempting to tear them down. Only thing keeping the void in check being a flimsy cage around their staircase.
Boris hears something through the stone. A slow and steady beat. A Heart? As soon as he focuses, it goes away.
It takes courage to go down.
There they find a workshop full of strange harnesses. They wonder if they have something to do with the throbbing, living dark above.
Ultimately they find a ceramic lens that looks important. Going further down there's a machinery, some kind of command console that looks functional.
Further down, well, it ends. The stalactite that is.

Abruptly the stairs end into empty nothingness and a seat. There's an inscription: "The objects are further away than they appear. Please do not scry the aboleth."

The League take their time using the device, which shows them many foreign vistas around a roiling black sea. (Unfortunately know not how to put Azimoth's around the lens.)
Here Petrus has a religious experience: deep down he knows what they saw was the origin of river Styx.
And as the realisation dawns upon him, he receives a vision from his god.

In the vision he's in a villa overlooking a burning city. He's not alone, for there's a Red Architect with him.
She tells Petrus that an impending doom is approaching and his compatriots are at fault.
She tells that the Praetor-Pontifex is invincible as long as he has his army.
Last time the unified forces of the Great races needed an artifact just to defeat the armies of Duvan'ku.
The races are no longer unified. And the Praetor-Pontifex made sure to banish the artifact to a place all gods have forsaken.
She says that if they are to defeat the Praetor-Pontifex, they need what the modern man calls Ark of the Covenant. And to get the Ark, they must travel to dread Carcosa.

The vision ends and Petrus returns from the seat. He tells the others what he saw.
"Do you know what that was about? I wasn't there, when you went to Death Frost Mountain."
"The bitch is probably lying her ass off. I wouldn't trust anyone we saw in the tomb", Siegfried retorts.

Having played enough with the lens, the group climbs back up. This time they take the ladder they ignored the first time. In the middle of the climb they notice a crack in the wall.
One of the clerics decides to investigate. Inside he finds a small cavern with a clear pool. In the pool are three objects: a sword, a tongue and a statue of a baby.
He augurs the pool: "Will there be weal or woe, if I touch the pool?"
He decides to let the objects be.
Then the other clerics goes to the pool and casts another augur: "Will there be weal or woe, if I take the sword?"
Happily he retrieves the sword, which bursts into green flame as it's removed from the saline liquid.
"O that's not fair!" yells the first cleric, who then climbs back to retrieve the two remaining objects.
As the statue is removed from the liquid, it rapidly ages, reaches senility and dies.
"You have gained a severe radiation poisoning", I tell the cleric.
"This sucks", says the cleric and his hair falls off in chunks.
He still takes the tongue. It does nothing.

Then the League takes their chance and crosses the bridge. Boris thought he saw something moving up above.
They have now reached the other stalactite.
Some light scouting reveals the stalactite is covered full of rooms like a vertical storage. Loot. This is something familiar for each of them and it perks the adventurers' moods. They can see most of the rooms from the central shaft where a gigantic chain slowly sways.
They quicken their pace and shift through the valuables.
Many wonders greet them, like condescending salt dryads, strange shells and fossilised brains.
When they reach the top the charm of spelunking the place has run out, so instead backtracking they send Petrus to scout through the eastern rooms.
He comes back to tell that they missed a room on their side. A room with no obvious means to access it.
Now this should have something interesting.
They set up a rope above and rappel down.
The room is empty except for a block of ice. When they approach the ice they see a black-skinned elf clutching a book.
Then a ghostly apparation manifests and claims to be the librarian of a library which consists of one book.
She bids the party to leave - she would not care if they looted everything else in the complex. But touch her book and she would make them pay.
"Sounds reasonable. Do we really need one book?" Wilbur ponders.
"Makes sense, when you think about it. Now we have a permission to loot the rest, it's not even stealing!" Siegfried says.
Then everyone bursts into laughter and Petrus casts Form Made Flesh on the ghost.

Alas, fighting Ixtrerian the ghost wasn't so easy. Soon the ghost rematerializes, vengeful and angry. Unnatural fear emanates from the spectre - all but Petrus, Siegfried and other Cleric scamper away in fear.
They only have one rope and it's unfastened from this side.
Boris would never make the climb. Panicked he takes his chances with the chain. He jumps.
And misses.
The dwarf tumbles into darkness.
"Shitcrap!" Petrus yells and flies after him. Leaving Siegfried and the Cleric fight the ghost.
This was not in the plan. The Cleric and Siegfried can kill the ghost easy enough, but it always comes back and each of its attacks ages its victims unnaturally.
It doesn't take long for them to realise that they need to kill the material corpse. Which is encased in ice. Even with the Cleric's eternium blade, melting the ice is slow. When they finally pierce the elf's dead heart, both are ancient.
Only good thing to come out of this was that the valuable book survived.

Meanwhile Petrus is unable to reach Boris as he's falling faster than Petrus can fly. He uses his last trick: Dimension door 100' in front of Boris.
(They worried for Boris so much that we had to calculate the time Boris would reach terminal velocity and compare it to Petrus' flying speed.)
He catches the dwarf, though both tumble through the air, dazed from the impact.

When each and everyone make it back to Siegfried and Cleric, they find two old men.
"Jesusfuck, what happened?" Reggie asks."
"Don't. I think I'll retire after this..." Siegfried says.

"Do you still have the tongue?" Old Cleric asks the other one.
He takes the magic tongue, cuts out his own tongue and puts the silver thing in its place.
"Okay, the tongue is cursed, so I can make your character say things couple times a day", I say.
"Well, that sucks", the Cleric decides and cuts out his new tongue. "I think that was it."
Then he jumps down the shaft.
All the while others look in horror.
"What the fuck is wrong with all the Christians?" Reggie yells.

"So... did you get the book?" Petrus asks, casting Comprehend languages.
"Alright, after skimming the book and reading the preface you discover that it's a book that allows its owned to observe individuals and with time discover personal details about them. It would, however, take many months of study, before you could use it."
"..." Petrus' player is silent for a moment. "So it's a psychology book?"
"That was a bit anticlimactic."

Re: Tales of Greed, a LotFP campaign report

This is the last we have of the Observatory! In this they finally get out, I promise!

Tune in for the exciting last chapter of the League and Deep Carbon Observatory!


They return to a fresco they found disassembled in an earlier room, which they had evaluated to be the most valuable thing. It would take them at least three trips to haul to the armory.
During the second haul Boris finally sees the thing that had been following them.
The Giant.
It was hanging on the chain hanging above the bridge. The rock it threw just missed Wilbur.
"Welp, that's our cue to run!" Petrus yells.
The rest agree.
"Wait, I'll go after the bastard" Siegfried says. Petrus looks at him and nods. He casts spider climb on Siegfried.
This the Giant did not expect. It retreats somewhere Siegfried cannot reach it.

"What the hell was that?" Petrus asks Boris after they've got inside.
"I think it was Giantus Grayus Elasticus. They live in the dark spaces."
"So. How do we kill it?" Siegfried asks.
"According to ancient dwarven lore they are best slain by hitting them a lot with hard objects."
"So be it."

After they've taken the pulley lift up, the Giant makes its second entrance. This time the adventurers are ready.
Petrus casts Enlarge on both Boris and Siegfried, who move in to surround the Giant.
Then they begin administering knuckle sandwiches.
The Giant fights, but it's not used to a prey that fights back. Or is its own size.
Licking its wounds the Giant flees. It could easily climb the cliff face.

The fighters know better than to give chase, so they take advantage of their size and haul the fresco up with the lift.
When they make their way back to others, the Giant is waiting under the bridge. Its pale hand reaches for Boris.
But it could never get the advantage of surprise it had before.
Petrus aims a stinkin cloud around its head. Then they hack and slash its limbs, until its hold releases.
The Giant falls.
And falls.
And disappears.

After an eternity they hear something akin to a wet thud.

It takes several grueling hours to haul the fresco and rest of their pickings over the bridge, up to the armory and across the narrow staircase to the entrance chamber.
There they begin shifting through their loot to decide, if they want to continue exploring the dungeon.
By then they hear several footsteps from the main stairway. Someone else's coming. A lot of someone is coming.
The League has been stretched almost to its end. Everyone's tired and wounded, the wizards barely have any spells left.
Who could they be? Did the Crows finally catch up to them? Did the Reed people decide they'd rather loot the underworld themselves? Or was it the taxman?
Everyone was waiting with their weapons drawn, when...

“Oi! Captain Reggie! Me and men were talkin’, it’s boring on the ship when you are away, we are coming with ya next time you go out, and me and men want an equal piece of the action and the treasures!” Beardless Dante shouts over the cacophonia that was the crew of the Ecstasy of Gold.

It's the Filibusters! Part of Ecstasy of Gold's moonlighting as an amateur orchestra featuring Beardless Dante their leader and chorus, One-eye Shelly the boatswain, violin, and chorus, Blunt Leopold the Carpenter and Blunt Instruments, Mate Harmony Jones playing the Harmonic and, not to forget, Powder Monkeying Fingerless Edward playing the Guitar. Plus an unremarcable bunch of rabble providing some crowd.
Our unlucky player had finally found a class that would not die: the Extras!

"Dante, you old coot! What the hell are you doing here?" Reggie yelps, not sure whether he's grateful or worried.
"Ay, me an me folks wanted to help!" Dante replies. Rest of the Filibusters yell and chatter in chorus.
"Well then, start shuffling through the loot!" Boris orders.

With the help of the Filibusters, arranging their findings in neat piles takes no time. As they sort through the piles, they discover some of their items have peculiar writing in them. Tzani Spillios, the scholar who had been right there all along, knew the language of the Dam Builders enough to translate.
"These are just random words, like 'auscultation'", she says.
And then the statues on the reverse ziggurat react.
"Oh hell, you woke them up!" Wilbur exclaims. "Should've known better than leave them be!"
But the statues don't attack. Instead they form into a staircase, connecting their level to the next.
"Neato", says the remaining Cleric.
"Damn. All this time, did every statue we met have a code word?" Wilbur ponders.

Shifting through the loot reveals one more word. But they still lack two.
"Well, now we have manpower to carry all of this. Maybe we should take a lookee through the rest of the dungeon too?" Reggie suggests.
All agree.

So, they head to the yet unexplored eastern section of the Observatory. (Yes, they had mostly mapped the east stalactite, but they didn't know how much or little they'd missed.)
The hallway soon expanded into a large working area dominated by the massive chain they saw earlier.
They find and learn to operate the Gravity Knife - a hatch in the floor and a fall into the abyss. They notice a lone chain, almost reachable down below. They laugh at the cruelty. Before feeling a twinge of guilt. They spot the viewing area up above, but leave it be for now.
Around the Knife are small carved hovels. One of them has a triple-layered container containing something vitrious green. As they come closer, humanoid shapes beging to coalescense inside.
"Oh, fuck no! We're not touching that!" Siegfried declares and they leave.
In another room they find hidden carvings of spells. "Ease hunger", "Avoid notice", "Lessen pain", "Reduce thirst"
"Woah! These are convenient!" Reggie says. "Anyone thirsty? Look what I can do!"
He casts a spell.
"Whoa, I'm still thirsty, but not as much as I was before!" Wilbur says. "... We're horrible people."
Another room contains an old torturing rack. What makes it special is that its occupant is still alive - altough no longer lucid.
Wilbur and Reggie examine the rack: its neck and wrist braces have hundreds of small razors that slice bite into the victim's flesh with their every move.
"That's elaborate and cruel. But it would go well with our rape table", says Reggie.
"Agreed", Wilbur concurs.

They try to cut away the victim, but the parts they carve grow back before they can remove him. And there's no way to open the locks without the key.
"Hmm, I wonder if this is a corpse generator?" Petrus ponders. Then he casts Dispel Magic. "Now it should be easier!"
The victim crumbles into dust. After the magic evaporates, the rack's braces open invitingly. Petrus is disappointed, when no new victim appears.
"We're taking that with us. Filibusters, tear it off the ground!" says Reggie.
One room has mushrooms in it, but they know better than to disturb mushrooms.

Then they explore rest of the eastern stalactite. Reggie, Petrus and Wilbur get unnaturally excited about shells they find in one room and soon have the Filibusters shoveling them into bags.
They stop to gawk of some hieroglyphs depicting anthromorphic lizards enslaving humans.
"Do you want to cast Comprehend Languages on them?" I ask.
"Nah, it's probably nothing interesting", Petrus answers.
It is the Duergar mining equipment that interests them more. The motorized drills and picks are something completely new to them, but the party's hopes crash down, when Boris admits the machinery requires a pint of blood to operate for ten minutes.
"This is just like dwarves! You make something really, really cool and then put a weird blood-requirement on it!" Reggie complains, while Boris is somewhat defensive.
"I don't like to talk about our deep cousins. They're weird folk."

Having gone through everything, they have Petrus and Reggie fly up and explore the viewing room above the Gravity Knife. It takes some effort to remove the protection grid, but eventually they lower a rope for the rest to climb up.
"Looks like we didn't need the code phrases after all", Wilbur remarks.
They return to the entrance hall, this time staying on the upper level. Now they get to take a closer look at the doorway blocked by a platinum snake.
Its maw opens as they approach and closes back as they go away.
"Hmm, what do we do with this one?"
They try to talk to the snake and feed it random surplus, but it doesn't seem to work. Then Wilbur has an idea:
"Maybe we can crawl through? I'm the smallest, so I could go inside", he suggests.
"Alright, that sounds reasonable", others concur.
So Wilbur discards his backpack and excess gear, while Petrus ties a rope around him "for safety".
All in all, Reggie thinks this is taking too long.
"Hey Ref, where's Tzani?" he asks me.
"Umm yeah, she followed you guys, so she's gawking at the snake with you guys", I reply.
"Alright. I cast Avoid Notice."
"THEN I KICK HER RIGHT IN!" He rolls. And succeeds.
Everyone's startled as Tzani suddenly flies into the maw. It closes behind her and the snake retracts from the doorway.
They enter a grandiose throne room and take turns sitting on the obsidian throne. None try on the crown nor hold the sceptre - instead they fly unceremoniously into the loot bag.
"The Empire of Extraordinary Opportunity. I like the sound of that..." Wilbur ponders.
They have more trouble to decide how to take the throne with them. Ultimately they cast Shrink on it and into the bag it goes.

They go through the diplomatic suites and have a chat with Zeelnebrooch, a slime being that inhabited a much too elaborate to describe glass thingamajig.
"He was perfectly polite and knew many interesting topics. Shame he was hungry", mused Wilbur, who had a near death discussion with him.
They enter the treasure vault only to discover someone had been there before them - most of the coffers were empty and only the few handfuls that earlier thieves couldn't bother with remained.
Their disappointment disappears, when we go through the contents: Occultum coins, Bank notes stamped in Sigil, Cloudcradle silk, Configurations of madmen tradeable for one impossible deed each etcetera.
They pack everything up. Then they have an argument, whether to take the furniture in the guest chambers - each piece worth more than their whole hauls early in their career.
"But compared to everything we have, those are nothing! And they're hard to carry."
So, in the end they dismantle some of the (priceless) furniture to make stretchers to carry rest of the loot.

They carry everything they have back to the entrance hall and send a messenger to the People of the Reeds. Eventually a party of them descends down the stairs.
"We have conquered the underworld and require your aid bringing all this shit back up!" Wilbur declares. The leader of the People hesitates and nervously makes his demands:
"Your men came through our village yesterday and they have taught us the wonders of Capitalism. We will aid you, but we demand a cut of the treasure."
"*Grumbling* You good for nothing... Very well, how much do you require?"
"We demand 1d10%." *rolls*
"1% cut of the profits!"

The League huddles up.
"1%! They demand a fortune and they've done nothing!" Wilbur fumes.
"Is it only the money or from XP too?" Petrus wonders.
"We really cannot haul all of this up by ourselves and we've already spent four sessions here", thinks Reggie.
"1% is nothing. We already have more than all of Europe put together. What's 1%?" asks Siegfried.

They reach an understanding and shake hands.

After a day most of the valuables have been hauled to the Great Dam. Before they have time to worry on how to carry it the rest of the way, they see an unknown ship moored near the Dam and fly to investigate.
"You have met the great Snail Shell Zarazhustra!" Bellows the captain, who is immediately renamed "Sebastiano Konquistadore" by the party. "I have come to explore the world beyond the Dam."
"But we already explored it", say the League.
"Heavens! And what did you find? Treasure? Danger?"
"Yes. Lots. Both."
"Hmm. Then my work here is done. I shall help you carry the treasure... for a share!"
"Argh, here we go again... how much do you want?"
"With my greater knowledge of Capitalism, my demand is 1d20%!"
"And that is 1%!"

When they return to their ship they find all the refugees they saved in a content vegetative state with a strange woman tending to them.
"I am Nürgul the Vivimancer. I come bearing a message from the Grey Medusa."
"What's the message?"
"Hurry the fuck up!"
"Getting to it. What happened to the refugees?"
"They were continuously moaning how hungry they were. So I taught them the art of photosynthesis."

The League of Extraordinary Opportunity had completed yet another quest, so on their way home the it was time to make plans for the future.
"I think I'll retire. I never intended to be slaying monsters into my 70s", announces Siegfried. "In fact, my replacement character is already here, Nürgul, it's your turn to adventure."
"I kinda want to do something about that end of the world thing. While it's cool to be responsible for it, it really leaves a bad aftertaste", Wilbur says.
"I concur. Ruins the party mood", agrees Reggie, "we could go to Khirima first. One of van Ooms' weapons is there and the Sodality of Conjurers might have some inkling on how to get to Carcosa - or Vornheim."
"I have business there too", adds Petrus.
"Yeah, and if we fail to stop the apocalypse, we can always just not come back!" Wilbur perks up.

So ends another adventure and the party again jumped up several levels. Here's the total tally of treasure they retrieved from the Observatory (minus the stuff they didn't cash for XP):

tables by Petrus & Siegfried

Those of you who have read the module know there was an evil adventuring party called the Crows in the area. What did they do after Zaghouan was killed?

Well, their first rule was: take no risks.
After the by Frosen's saw how easily their tracker was slaughtered, they decided that the League was too powerful to tackle head on. Instead they trailed behind, staying a safe half day behind them.
They found the Anatomharak's key and spotted the Golden boat the League had left behind. They spent some time gathering a force using Zolushiska's staff to raise the Killer Platypus and other prey slain by the League.
They shift through the leftovers in the Great Dam and find the hidden chamber. After a fierce debate they decide to free the prisoners. At this point Zolushiska breaks up with the party to cause mayhem elsewhere. (After Gar Zaghouan died the by Frosen's weren't intimidating enough by themselves. She was tired of being the only one to burn XP.)

The Crow's plan was to ambush the League as they exited the Observatory or enter if the party didn't return after a week. They knew of the Giant. The Prisoner's told them.
The Reed people did not tolerate them and harried the Crow's intensively. They had to relent - they backtracked to the Golden boat. They could hire mercenaries with them.
When they came back, the League was gone. The Crow's were free to take the Observatory.
Unfortunately the book on Drow Psychology was missing. It would make their plans somewhat harder to accomplish.

Re: Tales of Greed, a LotFP campaign report

The last few posts have been so long that here's something shorter for a change: a quick recap on how the League of Extraordinary Opportunity spent their treasure and ended up in the next adventuring location.


Last time on Tales of Greed our intrepid adventurers looted the ancient Deep Carbon Observatory.
After a boring week of sailing they were back in Venice in their mansion, where they again became aware they had a lot more wealth than they could use.
It was time to do some acquisitions. First, their ship the Ecstasy of Gold, while serviceable, was much too small for them. Also it had no cannons.
So it was time to commission a new one. The best one.

They get the biggest ship on the market and christen it The Greater Ecstasy of Gold. It cost a million silver. It's figurehead is a huge mermaid made from smaller mermaids. It had cannons, it had a catapult.
Why a catapult? you might ask.
You can't shoot a dwarf out of a cannon, that's why!
The old ship was decommissioned and Wilbur paid for some workers to dig a lake to their estate - the old Ecstasy of Gold would spent its retirement there, sailing the moat.
"Now I know what's best about all this money", Wilbur ponders. "It's the gold."

There are some ill omens around: prices have soared since their last time. The merchants are fleeing south. Ominous dark clouds gather over the Alps.
Reggie makes a small trip to his old favourite pub in London and hears Sweden has fallen.
"They promised to take down the Swedes first. Probably heading south now", the party speculates. "We better get to it."

They provision their new ship for a voyage and visit the Ghoul Market. They purchase a few hovelshells - house sized tortoises with actual houses in their shells. Also everyone gets a Haste-tattoo.
Hildi also gets a Fly-tattoo.

Nürgul acts all around creepy "Would you perhaps require more hands?"
She has a small argument with Petrus about Haste and Neural Surge. Petrus scoffs at Nürgul's heathen ways:
"We simply quicken our personal timestream. No need to make your nerves faster like a hipster!"

The League sails south towards Khirima, but on the way they have a small holiday in Las Palmas, where they want to test out their new Carousing rules.
They party for 20 days wasting 150 000 silver. During the party Filibusters somehow end up in the local courts' wizard's mind while the wizard is spread around their crew. During the same incident, the local lord turns into a tree and Nürgul is declared the heiress.
She promptly turns all of her court into veggie drones.
Wilbur, Boris and Petrus just had the same old: one ruined the economy, second burned down the tavern and third woke up in a temple after a night of passion. Again.

During the party we also switched to Logan Knight's magic research rules - so the mages researched a bunch of spells. "We're high Wizards now!" they said, while sharing a spliff.
"I could put an eye to my hand", Petrus decides, "I'll do the right one, you'll do the left!"
He tells Nürgul.

The hangover doesn't lift until they reach Lagos and have a new party. This time using rules from World of the Lost.
They learn a lot of rumours, but little interesting: "These are frankly level one quest hooks! They are beneath us!" Nürgul declares.
Anyhow, by morning they wake up tied up to a pole in between a lake and mysterious banana plantation. Menaced by a crocodile.

Tune in next time.

Re: Tales of Greed, a LotFP campaign report

I've noticed that when we're playing regularly writing this is a breeze, but if there's a longer hiatus, I cannot find the time to updating our journal. Everyone's been so busy this spring that it's been hard to shcelude a regular game.


Anyway, the last time we left our heroes, well you can't really call them heroes - high functioning sociopaths, maybe? - they woke up drunk, tied to a pole and menaced by a crocodile. As the session begins, Wilbur immediately sleights himself from the ropes, while Petrus just detaches his hands to free himself. Then they free everyone, who couldn't free themselves yet.
Crocodile suffers a humiliating and painful death, when the mages unleash their spells on it.

Wondering where they are, the League spots a banana plantation nearby. It's as good place to ask for directions as any, so they head there.
They pass a somewhat creepy scarecrow and head inside, where they meet a starving merchant named Qi.
Soon they realise they are trapped: the bananas have closed behind them leaving no way out.
"You know, we could just fly out?" Petrus says.
"And miss all the fun? Nah, lets do this the old fashioned way", Reggie remarks, "consider it a holiday."

Inside they find an interesting book Tales of the Scarecrow, which contains many stories about a monster scarecrow. The stories include:
- Scarecrow was made by a peepee-wizard and it craves dick.
- It's a restless spirit that thirsts for booze, blood and bitches.
- the Scarecrow is an ancient guardian, whose task is to ensure no one leaves the Paradise. Unfortunately what the ancients consider a paradise is not fit for humans.
- the Scarecrow wants to become a real boy, which is why it seeks human skins to wear.
- the Scarecrow is a cursed peasant that will possess everyone leaving the plantation one by one and slowly decompose them.
- the Scarecrow is a murdered man, who seeks its lost head and hands. It will consider every living being its murderer.
- the Scarecrow is the lord of nightmares. Everyone entering the plantation has already been cursed. They won't be able to sleep and when they finally can, their nightmares will manifest in reality.

"Boy, those are sure edgy stories! We're lucky they are not relevant in any way to our situation!" Nurgul exclaims. Then she casts Drone on Qi, whose become too annoying, "Sit boy."

Nurgul and Alfonso the Cleric brave the bananas to check the Scarecrow. They try to curse, purify and burn it, but little to nothing happens. Ultimately Nurgul asks Alfonso, whether he wants to fly away (so they wouldn't be bothered by the tentacles coming out of the ground).
Something goes wrong with Nurgul's spell.
Everything blacks out. Something that was not meant to be is set loose upon the world.

When the lights return, Nurgul is gone. Alfonso, on the other hand, is very full having eaten recently. He's idly toying with something that resembles Nurgul's skull.

"You fucking clerics! What have you done now?!" Petrus, Reggie and Wilbur shout.
"Alright. No panic. I can handle this", Petrus promises.
Together they tie Alfonso to a table. "Are you gonna scream?" Petrus asks while brandishing a scalpel. Alfonso nods furiously.
"Thanks for warning me", Petrus says, then casts Detach Limb to Alfonso's head. He places the head in a soundproof jar.
They get to work and slice open Alfonso's belly. They then scoop out all the Nurgul bits into a big jar, which Petrus Embalms. "That should keep her fresh. We can plant her later and see, if we'll grow a new salad-wizard."
Then they replace Alfonso's head.
"You can heal yourself, right?"

The holiday is has become somewhat dull, so Reggie uses Move earth to reveal whatever is the source of the tentacles. He succeeds and a giant brain is uncovered.
"I have an idea!" Petrus yips. He casts Life of a Mayfly on the brain. "Now we just have to wait a day. It'll die on its own!"
Alfonso disagrees. He descents the slope and slaps the brain with a Harm spell reducing it to 1 hp. Then he punches it once. The brain shudders and dies.
"You're no fun, killstealer!" Petrus says. Alfonso just stares.

They leave the wilting plantation and head towards Khirima.

Re: Tales of Greed, a LotFP campaign report

Another chapter!

The League arrives at the gates of Khirima late in the night. They decide to spend the night outside with a group of merchants as no one is allowed inside the city after sundown.

When they wake up, they sense commotion at the gates. A massive gastropod has slithered from the jungle and is apparently trying to get into the city. The city guard hires the adventurers to deal with it.
Reggie casts Speak with Animals to commune with the Slüg: It introduces itself as the Swiss Army Slüg and it wants to know, if the city has any Catholic priests as it would serve their cause.
The adventurers fetch one bewildered priest and explain the situation. The priest whispers something to the Slüg, which slithers away happily.

The League enters Khirima and takes time to gawk at its wonders. The helpful city watch tells them the whole city is randomly generated for each visit: this keeps the tourists confused, so they'll wander more and buy more souvenirs.
They also hear worrying news from Europe: the global centre of economy is shifting toward Khirima as "there's not much other than death" in the north. And even here there are rumours of an undead army destroying cities.
The party dicks around and visits ghoul market, where they buy an Essence of the Ancient One.
According to Vespero it can Perform a Miracle, Tear Reality or awaken the Ancient One - and Vespero kindly asks the party not to do the last one.
Come evening the party rents a suite in the best hotel and goes in for the night.
Despite how soft their beds are, everyone has trouble sleeping and when they wake up, the hotel has transformed into a flaming hellscape. In the middle of everything stands a scarecrow.
"Just like in my dream!" someone gasps.

The League smoothes things over with the hotel manager, who's angry at first but after a considerable bribe remembers that the royal suite needed landscaping.
The PCs go to a meeting with the Pangolin General, the leader of local armed forces.
As it happens the General has need for an amoral set of murderers for hire: he lets them in on a secret. The rumours about an undead army are true and according to his scouts, the army has already razed Akabo, an important city on the northern side of the plateau. The General also requests that the League would investigate an abandoned wizards lair, The Wizardarium of Calabraxis, as his men have reported cannibal apemen infesting the place.
"Alright, what do we get out of it?" asks Wilbur.
"I can show you the way to the Forbidden Plateau. That's the only reason adventurers flock to this area so you must be after it too. As for the Wizardarium, the undead army will no doubt raise the apes as zombie cannibal apemen, which you'd have to kill with the rest of the army. Mere cannibal apemen should be easier to deal with."
("That might be the necromancer I was supposed to meet", Petrus whispers to the others.)
"You got yourself a deal!"

Before they go deal with the army, the party tries to get some information about their curse. They seek the Libraries of the Edo, but are rebuked - apparently, only those of the faith and those favoured by the church may access them.
No one wants to convert, so they ask how they'd gain the priest's favour.
"Oh, you just have to complete a randomly generated quest for us! Lets see, we have a sinner that needs to be escorted to the Cave of Wraiths before the army gets there."
"I suppose we can do that much", Reggie agrees even though Wilbur and Siegfried scoff at such beginner level quest.

The PC's start towards the Cave, which conveniently lies near the cursed banana plantation. Nurgul and Petrus have devised a convenient way to get there before the army: they bring forth two houseturtles (massive turtles with shells shaped like huts) and work their magic. Next both of them can fly (one with regular flying magic, other with MASSIVE WINGS).
When they fly over the plantation and its massive, exposed, decaying brain, they are buffeted by gasses and a massive cloud of flies. As a joke Reggie throws a torch down and ignites the gas causing a massive fire ball to engulf them and their rides.

The PC's survive with minor singes, but their prisoner isn't so lucky: the poor lvl 0 fella dies flaming.
"Well, did they say the prisoner had to be alive?" Petrus asks.
"I think they did, yes", replies Wilbur.

Anyhoo, they take the corpse to the Cave and make it look like the prisoner didn't die until she was left there. They back up to the plantation (their flight spell had ended) and decide to make camp.
They again have trouble falling asleep and as they wake up, something is not like it was earlier:
They wake up in a flaming tower where flaming cultists torture crucified victims.
The cultists are very startled and upset to have adventurers appear in their lair and promptly shoo the League out.
Where the plantation has disappeared and in its stead is a valley covered in mist.
In the middle stands a Monolith.

Re: Tales of Greed, a LotFP campaign report

We had another session yesterday, which motivated me to complete another chapter.
At the time of writing the League is in the Veins of the Earth, in the service of Dia Andine, the Black Medusa. We are nearing the endgame as they are nearing the GodForge, where they hope they can forge a weapon strong enough to defeat the Duvan'ku.

Anyhow, this chapter won't be about the Veins nor the Duvan'ku. We are still near Khirima, where we spent too much time...
This is about 5-6 sessions before the Veins and regales the tale of the League exploring the Monolith Beyond Space and Time.


Recognizing an adventure when they see one, the League descends into a valley. Soon they meet a bunch of quirky sailors and make some banter. The sailors ask if they can follow the adventurers, but the League soon forgets about them. They don't even notice the sailors vanish.
They pass a small creek and meet someone very peculiar:
"Greetings, travellers! I am the League of Extraordinary Opportunity!"
"You a what now?" ask Wilbur and Petrus.
"Ah, let me explain. My given name is WilBorPetRegSiegNurLorHilFil. I am an adventurer, master of several mystic arts, a specialist, dwarf and also the crew of my ship, the Greater Ecstacy of Gold."
"That's quite a coincidence. We also have a ship of that name."
"Yes, indeed. I guess I've ventured into some kind of dimensional anomaly and now met a parallel reality, where I'm actually several people."
"Well, we think you are from the parallel reality."
"Might be, but from my point of view, you are the strange encounter."
"Your point of view sucks!"
"Never mind, I have no time for dillydallying. I was recently cursed by a scarecrow and have to save the world. Nothing good can ever come from travelling with doppelgangers, so I bid you fare thee well!"
"Yeah, we better get going too."

They cross an innocent stream two times before they finally reach the Monolith. An invisible being attacks them, so they rush to the Monolith.
And enter a new realm of existence.

They enter a white, infinite corridor.
The special qualities of the Monolith might stump a lesser group of adventurers, but the League had seen a lot of shit (both literal and figurative) and their magic users were already tuned to similar mindwaves as the Monolith.
They begin looking for treasure and find the head of Carter. A short discussion follows, as the decapitated head wishes for the adventurers to kill him, while Wilbur and Nurgul suspect a trap.
Eventually Carter convinces them, not for moral, but purely monetarian reasons.
To be safe they let the Filibusters taste Carter's brain first - and after they gain few cool spells, the others join in. Remarcably Reggie's teeth turn into gold and Petrus gains some fond memories of Fluffy the Cat, a dire servant of Satan (the League's old friend).
Around the same time Reggie accidentally dislodges himself and enters his own head. As he tries to return to his body he searches for "out of here" and is flung outside the game: he sees into eternity and grasps the possibility to escape this sadistic game he's part of. Eventually he decides to return.

While Reggie's on his adventure of self-realization, Wilbur ponders that they are all none the worse for wear and they have no idea what dangers still lie inside the Monolith. He looks for a place to rest and finds a pod. He climbs into the pod.
The rest are worried, he doesn't come out.
The rest of the League get tired of waiting and travel to "the time when Wilbur comes out". This ages all of them several years, a level and blows Nurgul up due to temporal causality malfunction. Everyone sports a fancy beard.
Sudden explosion of Nurgul disencourages the others, who want to travel back in time to prevent themselves. Except the Filibusters. They are glad to finally gain a level. An argument ensues and eventually all, but the Filibusters travel back.
They decide that Wilbur's slept enough and just open the pod. Filibusters experiment with different dimension, before giving up and returning to the others.

Having decided they've done enough to meddle with interdimensional causality, they leave the Monolith. At this point we end the session. My metagaming players immediately grab their copies of the Monolith Beyond Space and Time and read through the adventure, pointing out the mistakes I made. One thing causes instant uproar: The Light riders and their "surprise". I tell them not to worry about it.

Next session we return to the party just having left the Monolith. They find a letter waiting for them:

"Greetings Intrepid Adventurers!

I see you have found yourselves in a very peculiar place. I trust you had much fun in the multidimensional folds of the Monolith!

However I fear that you have subjected yourselves to a fairly aggravating problem, while remaining ignorant. Would it alarm you to know that even now you have been invaded by a strange yet peculiar species of light-drifters that are inhabiting your body without your knowledge? I assure you, the thought would vex me greatly!

But fear not, my adventure-seeking friends, for I, Iri-Khan, the master of the Mystic Arts, have once again been one step ahead of you - and two steps ahead of those pesky squatters in your bodies - by taking the liberty of freeing your future life of this ailment.
And as a pure gesture of goodwill, I've outdone even my great expectations by taking a fantastic journey through each of your bodies and teaching your new and permanent companions the value of bodily sanctity and entertainment. No longer they shall interfere with your daily lives and adventures, what, trust me, they would have done. Instead they shall reward the heroics you would no doubt perform freely by sharing their cosmic experiences.
No need to thank me, for I trust you would have done the same were you in my position.

Now this is the second time I have aided you unbidden, you must be anxious to repay the debt, no? Yet there is no need to worry, for I am certain I shall be needing the help of a group of high-minded adventurers such as your good company. Altought I am still waiting for that drink I am sure you will buy me once we finally meet in person.

Oh, and one word of warning, before I again leave you to carve your own path in this world: The device you are looking for in behalf of mister Van Ooms is truly a powerful weapon, yet the price it would exact is probably more than you would willingly pay. I would highly suggest for you to devise a more creative solution to your problem, yet I am sure my warning will not prevent you from going into the Plateau.
But do mind that the Barrier prevents all magic from passing its boundary. Once you are in, it will be difficult to get out. As you no doubt already suspected.

Always your friend,

Master of the Mystic Arts"

As the party returns to Khirima, they notice something is wrong: The gatekeepers seem to have forgotten the Slüg that visited just a week back. As they try to cash in their quest to the church, they are rudely rebuked "We only have one heretic here, and her trial won't begin in a week!". Their hotel no longer has the Hell Room.
"Oh, we've been causally displaced!" Petrus and Nurgul proclaim. "There's nothing to worry about."
"What are you rambling now, you nutters?" Boris asks.
"An ordinary causal displacement," the wizards lecture, "we just need to lay low for a while and take care not to bump into ourselves and we'll be fine."
Boris buries his face into his palms. He ventures into a bar, the only one that seems remotely serviceable for a dwarf.
There he meets two other dwarves! They are gruff as usual, but dress in robes and have no beards. Now, this bears investigating.
The two introduce themselves as Father Grudgegrudge and Initiate Burvis. At first they act very condescending, but after Boris name drops "Old" and "Miner" they somewhat warm up to him.
They say they are one of the last devoted to the Old Miner and they have a quest to visit and sanctify every surviving shrine to the Old Miner. According to their annals, there should be one somewhere north of Khirima. But now all this humbug about an undead apocalypse scared away their escort and left them grounded in Khirima.
"I shall find the shrine and then lead you to it", Boris promises. He downs his beer and heads back to the hotel.
"Get up, you lazy bastards! We've got work to do!"